Where Do We All Fit In?


So, I skipped a week of blogging because there were so many things going on last week, I honestly couldn’t decide what to write about!  But I now have some clarity and actually have a few things I want to write about; however, I picked the happiest one and will try to stay on topic!   Having A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder), believe me when I say, the struggle is real?!

Last weekend, my husband and I traveled from Southern Indiana to north of Indianapolis.  We drove up Friday night to celebrate Bradley’s birthday a few days early!  PF Changs made dinner and we stayed at the Sheraton!   The next day, we drove a little further north to Anderson for the second wedding I would get to attend for another Kalman girl!   This time, it was David’s daughter, Kaitlyn…And oh what a beautiful bride she was?   So I attended a wedding…what’s the big deal you wonder?

It was exactly a year ago this very weekend, that I first met this part of the Kalman family…MY family.   Last year, my Cousin, Susan, and I had been chatting on Facebook Messenger.  She lives in California and she was telling me about her niece’s wedding that she would be attending in Indiana…My second cousin’s wedding.  She asked me if I would like to be her “Plus One” for the wedding and reception?  Would I??  It took me like one second to say “Absolutely!  Yes!”  And so…we made a date.   She told me she would be flying in the Friday before that wedding and asked me if I wanted to come up that night and go to dinner with she and some other family members!   Of course, I did!   So I met up with Susan and her sisters, Sheryl and Teresa, and their daughters, and her brother, David and his wife, Tina, and their youngest daughter, for some local Mexican food.  Was I nervous?  Yes.  Was it scary walking in there by myself?  Yes.  Was I glad I went?  YES!!  They were all so nice to me!

The next day we attended the wedding of our niece, Megan, in the same Anderson location of the wedding a week ago.  Megan’s father was my cousin, Glenn, and he passed away unexpectedly a few years prior, so Megan and her family made sure his memory was not forgotten on this special day.  I wish I could have met this him too….He sounded really sweet.  I had a chance to talk to my cousins and what I learned was that they were also abandoned….Not by one, but by both of their parents; however, they were fortunate to have been able to be raised by their biological mother’s parents…Their grandparents.   Together…They got to grow up together, as siblings.   And to me, that made them very lucky and I was truly happy for them!   And there was an undeniable love between them that was just heart-warming.  Being abandoned is very isolating…so to have others in your life who shared knowing how that feels, must have been a true blessing to them.

So fast forward to last weekend, as David and Tina’s oldest daughter, Kaitlyn married her sweetheart, Brandon!  This wedding was different.  I wasn’t nervous, or scared, but I was once again, so glad I got to attend and that Brad got to meet all of these lovely family members this time!  My cousins, Susan, Sheryl, Teresa, Tuli, and Megan made us feel welcome, by making an extra place at their table for us, so that we could all sit together.   “So what?”  You say.   And I will tell you why…To come in as an outsider after 50+ years and be treated like you “belong” and are “wanted” and “loved” is particularly special when you have not only been abandoned, but continue to be rejected by other members of the family you belong to.

Spending time and visiting with these cousins on this special evening was so much fun and being made to feel a part of it all, like we had always been there, brought me to tears a couple of different times.   We were even included in the bride’s family photos…Kaitlyn, Brandon, David, Tina and Kristina, welcomed Brad and I into those photos with the rest of the family!   That may not mean a lot to everyone, but to me, it has significant meaning.  It means they “accept” me.   And I am not going to lie…That always feels good.  So we talked and laughed and ate and drank and danced and took photos!  It was a wonderful evening…mostly because I was with more family who loved me!

As all of this happiness was occuring last week, some other family members, were once again making it known that they might not all be so happy that DNA had made it possible to learn about ALL of the family members that were, indeed, a part of this family, but were unknown to most everyone.  It seemed that a few people in the family might have been happier, if we had just remained the “secrets” we had been for many, many years.

There was no doubt, we were causing some questions to be asked by other family members, and maybe we were causing a few family members to no longer be the center of attention…A position they evidently liked being in.   And word was out that there were several of us, who have been fortunate enough to happily connect or re-connect with family that we never really knew or that knew about us or they only knew about us for a short time, because we were there…And then…we weren’t.  What’s more, there are at least 3 and maybe 4 or more other siblings who have also been abandoned  and who are still out there somewhere…Waiting to be found.  That is, if they are still living?

So my search through DNA, and any other methods or techniques I can find, continues to try to find the other missing peices of the puzzle.   I believe there is room for all of us to “fit in” and there is always enough love in my heart to welcome some more new family members in…



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